Thursday, November 24, 2005

Prof: "What I learned in law school"

American law professor Cameron Stracher recently published an article on from the perspective of a troubled law student. The article is in the form of a fictional letter to "Mom and Dad" where the law student responds to the criticisms and concerns of his parents.
Parental Concern: "Inability to secure suitable legal employment."

Student Response: Give me more money. "
In lieu of restructuring [my financial obligations], I would also accept an additional round of financing or the issuance of vested warrants".

Parental Concern: "
Many of my law school classmates have had a second set of callback interviews." If the student does not "'get off [his] ass and stop behaving like a goddamn bum'" then "[his] life will crash and burn on the dung heap of penury".

Student Response:
"I have taken specific purposeful steps to find gainful employment. First, I wrote Uncle Morris, as you suggested, and though his firm is not hiring at this time, he promised to keep my resume on file should the need for a solid C student arise. Second, although I still owe money to the local bail bondsman, he indicated his willingness to consider a position of temporary employment pending my release from my probationary obligations. Finally, one of my classmates has proposed an offer he claims I cannot refuse, the specifics of which he promises to expound upon when the wiretaps are removed. While none of these leads may give rise to a legitimate or lawful career, I believe I deserve a B- for effort".

Parental Concern:
$120,000 in tuition.

Student Response: "
By the end of the year, including room and board, the amount will be closer to $180,000. But money cannot measure the importance of my law school education".

Parental Concern:
Threaten "to stop paying my rent and monthly allowance".

Student Response:
"I am looking out for your interests -- after all, they're your names that I forged on the student loan documents". "I don't want to ruin your credit rating, or force you into insolvency, but I will because I love you".

What the student really learned in law school:
"If there's one thing I have learned in law school, it is that there is no quarrel too small to escalate into Armageddon or manipulate for Machiavellian purposes".
Funny guy. I wonder if one day Canadian students will be paying $120,000 - $180,000 for a legal education. . .


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